A day for mothers

Today it’s Mother’s Day. And it’s got me thinking.

I am very lucky for my mother. If you know her, you know she is the best. I don’t know where I would be without her (well, not alive, I suppose, but that’s beside the point). I am also very lucky to have an awesome mother-in-law. Whenever I hear stories of impossible mother-in-laws, I think, wow, I really lucked out on that one. So I’ve really hit the mother jackpot.

I’m also thinking about my grandmothers. Both amazing ladies. Both gone too soon. Cancer, and cancer again. I miss them every day, and today a bit more. I have had many examples of strong women in my life, and they have all played their part in shaping who I am today.

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I’m also thinking about the pain of this holiday, for so many. Like being single on Valentine’s Day. Only a lot worse.

The pain of all those who have lost their mothers, who are bombarded with marketing messages like “CALL YOUR MOM! TELL YOUR MOM YOU LOVE HER!” and have to confront the sadness of being motherless. We don’t always think about these people on this day, and what it might mean to them. The orphans among us. Heartache instead of flowers.

I’m thinking about all the women out there, having trouble conceiving, desperately wanting to be a mother. My own friend, who was hoping to be a mother on this day, and is not. So many women struggling, undergoing fertility treatments. Trying, trying, trying. What does this day mean for them?

I’m thinking about Naomi, and how she is no longer here to celebrate this day with her adorable little son. I’m thinking about her husband and how this day might make him feel. And all the Mother’s Days they’ll have to face without her, and the sheer unfairness of it all. I’m thinking of how much she loved her son and beamed when she spoke about him, and what an amazing mother she was, for the short time she got to be one.

And, yes, I’m thinking about me. My feelings. I am not a mother. If not for cancer, would I be celebrating my first Mother’s Day as a new mom right now? Possibly. Likely. Will I ever have a Mother’s Day, as a mom? No one can answer that question. The option to have a child, for now, has been taken away from me. Mother’s Day wasn’t made for young women who had cancer. I don’t think Hallmark makes a card for that one.

Happy Mother’s Day. To the many beautiful mothers I am lucky enough to know. To those who are without their moms. And to those of us hanging on to the hope, that one day, this day might mean something different, and might be for us, too.

 

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13 thoughts on “A day for mothers

  1. Thank you Steph for facing so many issues head on. I’m walking in the Relay for Life this Friday in Barry’s Bay and you will be in my thoughts. xxoo

  2. Love this steph. You beautifully articulate so many of the ways I feel about fertility now. So many of the if onlys…. Sending love.

  3. beautiful. as the mother of 2 beautiful daughters who were not born to me, I hope one day you find your path to motherhood. Mine was long before I hit the road to Cancer, and today, that makes me happy, because I know that my genetics will not pass onto them. and yesterday was very hard, I miss my mom every single day, but especially yesterday

  4. This is truly beautiful. What I wouldn’t give to have my mom here. I lost her to cancer 22 years ago, she didn’t get to see my children grow up and she wasn’t here to hug me this past year as I battle breast cancer and tell me to keep going and still I can hear her voice after all these years. This is a hard day for so many because of all the different ways cancer affects one’s life in so many ways. Thanks for sharing, you are such an inspiration.

  5. This is such an amazing post, Steph. Thanks for sharing. My mom passed away from colon cancer when I was 12 so Mother’s Day is always pretty difficult. I miss her so much and often wonder if my life would have turned out differently if she were still alive. Sometimes I wonder if she knows how much I love her. I am so grateful for the 12 years I got to call her mom and losing her so long taught me to never take life for granted.

  6. My darling daughter, I love you, your siblings and their partners and am grateful every day that I get to be called mom by all of you. Thinking of your grandmothers on this day and somehow, believing in my heart that they’re watching over us and that Grandma Ruth has naturally introduced herself to Naomi and is taking care of her too.

  7. Your mom is a very special person. She is the mother of three great kids and I had the pleasure of teaching each of you (and one twice)!

  8. Wow, This was really heart felt. I also know people, close family who have lost their mother and are devestated not to have her here on this one and only day, people who choose not to come see their mother because they are too far and dont want to drive, people who come to see their mother because they feel it is their duty,people who miss their grandmothers something terrible, but then there are the ones who truly do come to be with thier moms because they love them and just want this one opportunity to honour them, and that is what I am sure you do with your mom everyday. Your post/thoughts should be sent to everyone…we all need to learn graditude! You clearly seem to have gotten it

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