The Mommy Files

It has taken me far too long to write this post. This is mainly due to the fact that back in November, I had a baby, and apparently newborns take up every minute and every hour of your life. I mean, EVERY. MINUTE. I have sat down to write so many times, and then a poo emergency strikes, or a cry is heard, or I realize I haven’t gone to the bathroom in 12 hours, and I quickly forget about any prior ambitions I had.

Besides the overwhelming, drastic life change that is motherhood, I have also put off writing anything because my will and energy hasn’t been there. Not too long after I gave birth to the most special little guy in the universe, I was diagnosed with postpartum depression and anxiety. Things got bad. Reeeeal bad. My goal every day was to just make it through and get to the next day, and pretty much everything else, including writing, fell to the wayside. But I believe that writing and sharing helped me through another very challenging time in my life (as you may recall), so I’ve been meaning to get to it.

There are so many things I want to say about the last (almost) three months, and so many thoughts I have on parenting/babies/postpartum, that I don’t think I can cover it all in one post. It will probably take much more than one post, so feel free to stick with me if you’re interested in reading about this stuff. One thing I have learned through all this is that there are many new moms who have experienced or are experiencing what I’m going through. Although everyone’s story is unique, many of us share a lot of the same challenges. And yet so few are openly talking about it. I have my theories on why this might be, but I’ll get to that later. It feels similar to my cancer experience, in a weird way, where it felt like I was going through this huge thing that many people just didn’t talk about openly and honestly. And I get it. It’s hard to open up about our personal struggles. It leaves us vulnerable, and exposed.

With cancer, there was so much pressure to be positive and sunshine-y, and with motherhood, there is a lot of pressure to be the very best mom and be happy and perfect and proclaim that every moment is just full of joy and rainbows and wonderful, cute baby things. Welp, I am once again here to burst your bubble and drop some truth bombs all over the internet, if you care to join me. Because, guess what? Motherhood is VERY HARD. And being a new mom while you’re also, unfortunately, dealing with mental health issues is super hard. It’s one of the hardest things I’ve ever done, and I’ve literally had cancer.

So where to even start, with so much to say? I suppose, as is often the case, the best place to start is at the beginning. My birth story. The day my life, once again, changed forever. But you’ll have to hang tight, because my baby is about to wake from his semi-peaceful slumber and duty calls. Stay tuned…




7 thoughts on “The Mommy Files

  1. Congrats! I was just going through my list of cancer peeps to see who was still with us. I have to say that I’m thrilled that you are not only still on the planet but have also brought another into the world to join us. I haven’t had a child, but I have experienced hormone induced brain issues, and I feel for you. I just want you to know that it is not YOU, it is a chemical reaction happening inside you. You are still awesome!

    Lots of love!

  2. Congrats on the baby Steph! I went through severe post-partem as well. I feel for you. Sending you love and hugs. Nicki

  3. Hi! I just stumbled into your blog this year & I was inspired by your strength & disposition in life as I am undergoing a similar situation myself. Please keep on updating us when you have the time & hopefully I may ask you a few questions privately too about having a baby after being diagnosed with Ca. Thank you.

  4. how common is this PPD/anxiety? sooooooooo common! My daughter in law, step daughter just to name a few that are close to me. But we need to talk about it, bring it into the “normal”, because it is soon normal. And as my wonderful grandfather used to say, This too shall pass”!

  5. Congrats Steph!!! Although it has been quite some time since we have connected your candor and honestly is so enjoyable … cant wait for the mommy files!!

  6. Congratulations! Your honesty is always appreciated. Those newborn days are so special- and also so hard! Looking forward to reading more.

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