In a few hours, we will bid adieu to 2012. Everyone is getting dressed up, going to fancy dinners, gathering with friends, drinking champagne. And I am home, in my sweatpants, with now patchy crazed-killer-esque hair, 3 days out from chemo #2, mostly exhausted, and not really feeling all that festive. But before you take too much pity on me, please note that having an excuse to stay in on New Year’s while wearing my sweatpants is actually right up my alley and very likely what I would desire to do, regardless of this whole cancer business. That’s just how I roll, yo.
I’d like to reflect back on the good things 2012 brought me. And there were some. Lovely weddings of friends. My first nephew. My first wedding anniversary. Lots of birthdays, family holidays, celebrations. There was some good stuff in there. But ultimately, 2012 will always be the year I was diagnosed with cancer. The year my life came undone. There’s no way around it. 2012 was a real crapper for me. But that’s how it goes. Everyone has that one really bad year that they want to put behind them and forget ever existed. So I’m okay with this last one having been mine. But I think I’ve paid my dues for awhile. I’ve earned a good year. (Or two? Maybe three? I don’t want to get greedy now.) 2013 will undeniably be a rough go as well. More treatments, more drugs, more surgery, more scans, and more question marks. But I really hope that the second half is better than this one was. There’s only so much a balding gal can take.
I do want to take this chance to say thank you. To my family who do everything for me, when I can’t. To those dearest of friends who continually check in and allow me to tell them how I’m actually feeling, and then continue being my friends all the same. To my husband, who has been by my side every second, and who is currently cooking me a nice dinner, while cursing in the kitchen*. To the many people who have sent me gifts, food, and offered amazing acts of kindness. To everyone who has shared this blog and offered me endless words of encouragement and made me feel like a total superhero, during a time where it is easy to feel isolated and misunderstood. To all the strangers who’ve never even met me, yet take the time to leave comments and reach out to me across my computer screen and put a smile on my face.
So you see, there is a lot to be grateful for.
But even with all those warm fuzzy feelings, I will still say:
So long 2012. Don’t let the door hit you on the way out.
*My sweet husband would like me to mention “across social media” that he made “the best dinner that has ever been made in our house” while wearing his Old Navy fleece “leisure suit”, with “Fred Savage fluffy hair” while drinking out of a Vera Wang champagne flute. An image to warm the soul, right there.
pass me another cupcake 
Happy New and Better Year to a tough beautiful gal,with love to you and Jake as always Uncle Jack,Aunt Fran and are two puppies Franki an Jonny! xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Steph, when I first saw the link to this blog, I did a double-take at the sub-header. I admire you for your eloquence in the face of adversity. May 2013 prove to be a truly happy new year for you. I’m keeping you in my thoughts. Stay strong!
Hey Stephanie,
We haven’t spoken since elementary school, hell we barely spoke in elementary school, but I’ve read your blog. I’m struck by three things:
1) you kick ass
2) your blog kicks ass
3) I can’t wait to read about how you kicked cancers ass.
You’re amazing and your writing is fantastic. You’re doing a great public service by writing your thoughts in such a candid way, for people facing any type of internal struggle. I’m sorry for the reason that you decided to start writing this blog but when you’re a famous author, I’ll be glad to say I went to Yorkhill with you.
Best wishes. Keep blogging. Keep Rollin like that yo.
Aarti
hI steph we read your wonderful blog. You are such an inspiration to everyone We wish you a wonderful newyear with all good things coming your way. love Rhoda and Sherwin. We are in your your corner always
thank you everyone!! xo
Steph. Want to wish u a very happy and very healthy new year. I’ve known you since you were just a little girl. Seen u grow up. Remember you jumping rope and playing on the driveway. Playing with my girls. Knowing that you are strong and resilient. Be strong. It WILL get better from here. Because that is how I always see you. Beautiful inside and OUT! Sarah Cherry and Family
happy new year steph, there are tears running down my face right now. You are so brave and inspriing and i look forward to continuing to read your blog and follow your journey. May 2103 be a year of success for you and your family.
Happiest of New Year’s.
Happy New Year Stephanie!!!! I wish you only the very best in the 2013!!!! I enjoy your blogs!!!!
Sending big hugs your way! Stay nice and cozy in your jammies and feel better! Love, Helene
Happy New year to you and Jake.
we love you
Steph,
Your family is wonderful. I am happy to know them. I have had breast cancer and am now 26 years cancer free. Chemo was the pits.
Stay positive. Happy New Year.
evelyn
I dont know you and you dont know me, but I have been following your blog and have become more inspired and hopeful each time I read. You dont always get to know the impact you have had on another persons life. In this case a stranger. I am humbled by your courage and impressed by your candour. Thank you for reminding me to be grateful for my health. Im ashamed to admit Ive taken that for granted. You have made a difference in 2013 already. Thank you for that.
I second that Amen and agree new years in pjs is the ONLY way to go. Always by your side, whatever the journey…you can bank on that! Here’s to 2013 with love.
Steph, keep strong and you are so blessed that you have wonderful friends and a fantastic family and one of a kind hubby ( even though he maybe was cursing in the kitchen) who stand by your side. You are very much loved that I can tell you!!! Hugs …….. xoxoxoxox…..
2013 will be the year that you leave cancer behind! Go Stephanie 🙂 XOXOXOXOO Jada
Steph, we wish you the best in 2013….You have made all of us so proud of you, keep strong and kick cancers butt!
Steph, I wish you nothing but amazing things in 2013. You are an I inspiration to all and I pray that everything turns around for you. Sending you much love steph, love Tara. Happy New Year
I am in my pj’s, getting ready to say “goodbye” to 2012. I find you inspiring and I can’t wait to see you in person and give you a hug. XOXOXOX
Amen!! ❤