In a few hours, we will bid adieu to 2012. Everyone is getting dressed up, going to fancy dinners, gathering with friends, drinking champagne. And I am home, in my sweatpants, with now patchy crazed-killer-esque hair, 3 days out from chemo #2, mostly exhausted, and not really feeling all that festive. But before you take too much pity on me, please note that having an excuse to stay in on New Year’s while wearing my sweatpants is actually right up my alley and very likely what I would desire to do, regardless of this whole cancer business. That’s just how I roll, yo.
I’d like to reflect back on the good things 2012 brought me. And there were some. Lovely weddings of friends. My first nephew. My first wedding anniversary. Lots of birthdays, family holidays, celebrations. There was some good stuff in there. But ultimately, 2012 will always be the year I was diagnosed with cancer. The year my life came undone. There’s no way around it. 2012 was a real crapper for me. But that’s how it goes. Everyone has that one really bad year that they want to put behind them and forget ever existed. So I’m okay with this last one having been mine. But I think I’ve paid my dues for awhile. I’ve earned a good year. (Or two? Maybe three? I don’t want to get greedy now.) 2013 will undeniably be a rough go as well. More treatments, more drugs, more surgery, more scans, and more question marks. But I really hope that the second half is better than this one was. There’s only so much a balding gal can take.
I do want to take this chance to say thank you. To my family who do everything for me, when I can’t. To those dearest of friends who continually check in and allow me to tell them how I’m actually feeling, and then continue being my friends all the same. To my husband, who has been by my side every second, and who is currently cooking me a nice dinner, while cursing in the kitchen*. To the many people who have sent me gifts, food, and offered amazing acts of kindness. To everyone who has shared this blog and offered me endless words of encouragement and made me feel like a total superhero, during a time where it is easy to feel isolated and misunderstood. To all the strangers who’ve never even met me, yet take the time to leave comments and reach out to me across my computer screen and put a smile on my face.
So you see, there is a lot to be grateful for.
But even with all those warm fuzzy feelings, I will still say:
So long 2012. Don’t let the door hit you on the way out.
*My sweet husband would like me to mention “across social media” that he made “the best dinner that has ever been made in our house” while wearing his Old Navy fleece “leisure suit”, with “Fred Savage fluffy hair” while drinking out of a Vera Wang champagne flute. An image to warm the soul, right there.