Life finds a way

When thinking of what to title this blog post, a post I’ve been imagining writing for a long time, the voice of Jeff Goldblum immediately popped in my head. In Jurassic Park, one of my childhood faves, his character utters the now famous line, “Life, uh, finds a way.” Although referring to dinosaurs and their ability to breed in that particular case, the line came to mind when thinking about my own little (far less destructive) miracle that has found its way into existence, despite the odds.

That’s right folks, the rumours are indeed true: I am pregnant. With a baby (not a dinosaur, in case there’s any confusion there). And not just a baby, but a baby boy. A real, live baby boy. Ain’t that somethin’?

For a quick recap: you may recall that I was taking cancer-fighting drugs that prevented me from having a child. You may also recall that I had a type of chemotherapy that put me at risk for damaging my ovarian reserve. You may not recall any of this, because it’s in your rearview mirror and you are likely thinking about other things, as you should be. But I have not thought about other things. Ok, that’s not entirely true. Occasionally I think about pizza, or last night’s Bachelor episode. But a lot of my brain power has gone to thinking about babies. Wondering if that possibility was lost for me. Wondering if I should take the risk. Researching, reading, discussing, deciding, trying to sort through it all the best that I could.

My decision to attempt pregnancy was not made lightly. It was agonizing. At times, it still is. My anxiety has been sky-high, as I wrestle with nerves around the pregnancy itself after encountering a bumpy start which made me hesitant to share my news. My excitement has been tempered with familiar fears creeping their way back in, fears about my own health and how my survival now feels even more critical. I feel like the last time I got really excited about life, I was hit with a bomb, and I worry (irrationally, but still) that I might somehow jinx this good fortune if I put it out into the world.

But after waiting patiently on the sidelines for the last several years, watching baby announcements flood my social media feeds, celebrating the births of my friends’ and family’s children, I want to enjoy this moment in time, this moment I’ve waited so long for. I want to share it. I want you to know that miracles can happen. I want you to know that good things can happen. But mostly I want myself to know that good things can happen. It is possible. It has to be. It’s happening right now, as I feel my son swimming around inside of me.

Good things can happen.

 

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35 thoughts on “Life finds a way

  1. I am so happy for you! I discovered you when I got diagnosed with breast cancer late in 2014. You have made me laugh along the way and have made this season a little easier. You will be a great mom and will have the opportunity for a new view of life, lived through the eyes of your child. Congratulations!!

  2. It sounds strange because obviously we’ve never met, but when I saw this post I got so incredibly happy for you. Seriously, congratulations, and your Jeff Goldblum quote is perfect. Enjoy every bit and moment of this happiness!

  3. Congrats on the coming baby. Sometime great rewards come to those who face great struggles. Best of health to you and your family. As a multiple cancer survivor that fear never truly goes away no matter what stage of life it comes. But children have helped me keep strong and focused on living each day well. I hope the same blessing comes to you.

  4. Wow. What wonderful news!! You don’t know me but I wrote you during your tribulations… and have followed your journey then and more happily recently, with great interest. I felt joy in reading this post and am as happy for you and your husband as I am for my niece and nephew whose baby boy will be appearing sometime about a month from now. Love your baby/pizza? bump, and soft maternal expression in this photo. Wishing you continuing joy as YOUR SON! grows, emerges, and enriches your lives.

  5. I do not know you either Stephanie but I once knew your Mom. My heart went out to you each time I read your blog during that ‘period’ of your life. This post however I read with tears rolling down my face. This is the post that one might have expected not long after seeing your beautiful wedding photos posted on Mom’s Facebook page. Instead you were to be on the ‘Other side of the Rope’ 😦
    Time has passed and Life has indeed found a way!!
    This is just such wonderful news! Congratulations!
    (Carol if you’re reading this I really want to share a coffee with you G-ma to be!) Hugs xo

  6. Stephanie – congratulations! That is such exciting news. Enjoy your pregnancy and take good care of yourself. BTW – I have 3 boys – they are awesome!

  7. I have just been following your blog because, yes…. I have breast cancer. I find your monthly blogs to be so helpful as I am just in the process of beginning my therapy. So I have been following your beginning and trying to compare, I know you can’t , everyone’s battle is different. But you give me strength right now and God knows I need it right now.
    Your blog today made me cry, yet again…with such joy this time. I am so happy for you

  8. Hi Stephenie,
    I’m a good friend of Cindy Osheroff’s and I just wanted to write to you and say after all you’ve been through and have endured, reading this post is just great news! Mazel Tov to you and your husband! Enjoy your pregnancy and stay healthy! I even think I made you a cookie basket way way back. As I am The Cookie Bandit Company!!

  9. I am so happy for you. Before I started reading, I said, “say you’re pregnant, say you’re pregnant”. So thrilled, I cried and I don’t even know you. Congratulations!!

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